This hobby sees individuals from all walks of life, with all sorts of social skills. Some people are decent players, seat fillers. Some players are fun individuals but fairly mediocre at the table. Some individuals are horrible with social skills but groups always want them around. And a few rare individuals are so highly prized that groups tend to form around them, and GMs work hard to keep them. What makes these individuals so well loved? Let’s take a look at a few things you can start doing that will make your tablemates adore you.
Be the first mate
Every ship is captained by one individual, who makes the decisions and charts the course. In our case, this is the GM. Every captain, though, needs someone by their side to keep things running smoothly. GMing involves keeping a lot of plates spinning at once, and lending a hand means your GM has more energy freed up to focus on portraying the NPCs and describing the locations without resorting to box text.
How can you do this? Volunteer to look up rules when you’re not involved in the scene, in order to help scenes continue. Offer to keep track of the initiative list. Help keep the party reasonably on track by making a character who will be interested in the GM’s world and story. Help to cut short tangent discussions so the GM doesn’t burst a blood vessel. Be the First Mate to the GM’s Captain and handle some of the operations so the GM can focus on creativity.
Go out of your way to encourage other players
Even among experienced groups, there is still room for players to grow. And for new players, a mentor in the group is a powerful thing. There are plenty of ways to encourage your tablemates.
Partner with other players to help them grow in new directions. That guy who has played a fighter for every campaign in the last five years? Encourage him to play something unique, and offer to buddy up with him on characters by making complementary characters so he feels less vulnerable in his new role. If he’s going to try a rogue, offer to make a tank so he has someone to stick to when he feels weaker than normal.
Buddy up with new players, without the GM asking you to do so. Offer to make siblings together, so they have an immediate buy-in to the group. Work together on characters who fill each others’ blind spots, as an example of how to view strengths and blind spots in your character. Sit next to them at the table and offer quick, whispered explanations for concepts they may not know. Help them during the level up process.
Subtly keep track of the other players at the table on a list, and check next to their name whenever they get the spotlight. Keep track of who isn’t getting the spotlight, and help make sure they receive attention. The awful way to do this is to look at them and say, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” at which point, every head turns to stare at them and wait for their nervous answer. A better example might be to say, “I’m over here sharpening my sword next to the fire, keeping an eye on my companions to make sure things are peaceful. I look over at _____. What do I see her doing?”
Don’t argue – compromise and persuade graciously
Arguments and screaming matches get you nowhere. Far better is to calmly state your point, when it’s appropriate to state it. Shouting and holding up the combat to correct a ruling made on the fly, a ruling that affects another character and not even yourself, is going to earn you a quick uninvite to the group. Waiting until after the session or during break to explain quietly to the GM how the rule works, while stating that they are of course the final adjudicator, gives them a chance to save face and learn something new for the future. And, if they inform you that they’re aware of the rules and have chosen to use a house rule, thank them for letting you know, and drop it. This not only prevents tension and posturing, but increases the GM’s respect for you as a partner in storytelling.
Have your own copy of the core rules available and at hand
It cannot be stressed enough how important it is to buy your own copy of the rules for the system. Granted, not everyone can afford to buy a copy of the rules. However, players who continuously show up with Starbucks and fast food, and then want to make a second food run halfway through the game, should be able to buy one copy of the book. Constantly demanding to see the book ahead of everyone else when you haven’t contributed anything to the group’s resources is just bad form. It also shows an alarming lack of support toward the game designers, but that’s a completely separate article. And speaking of contributing to the group’s resources…
Provide food or drink once in a while
This doesn’t have to be fancy, or even very often. It does go a long way to create good will, however, if you surprise everyone with a couple of pizzas. Or, stop at the grocery store and buy a box of cookies from the bakery. People with full bellies are far less likely to fight and bicker. Have you ever seen a fistfight about pretend elves erupt when chocolate chip cookies were readily available? If you can’t afford food, bring a couple of bottles of soda so everyone has drinks. This shows gratitude toward the GM and the host, and that you’re willing to pitch in for the other members of the group. And no one ever forgets to invite the guy who feeds them.
Keep your problems outside the game space
People who have a horrible day at work and then drag it to the table are just inflicting that misery on everyone else. Good sessions can sour quickly if one individual decides to bring their bad mood into the game. The players beloved by all still have awful days, but they do something about it to keep themselves from being a problem.
Before the game, go take a walk. Sit and take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that you are with friends and are here to have fun. Also, remember that everyone else is there to have fun, not to deal with you and your crappy attitude or problems. You shouldn’t be doing business at the table, or fighting with your significant other between combat rounds. Do whatever you need to do that insures you are focused and positive at the table.
Focus on the experience
Gaming is a shared experience. If one person disconnects or half-asses it, that translates into a weakened experience. Technology can kill a game session faster than anything else. Put your phone in your pocket unless there’s an emergency. As stated before, don’t maintain arguments via text or phone call while your tablemates are trying to get their groove on. Don’t sit and talk loudly about the movie you saw last week while the GM is trying to have a scene with one player. Focus on the game, even if you’re not the center of attention at the moment. Soon enough, you will be, and everyone else will be reacting to your behavior during their turns.
Keep your GM informed
If you can’t follow any of the basic social rules of etiquette for the evening, explain to your GM what the circumstance is. Any GM worth playing with is going to understand if you have to keep your phone out on the table when you’ve got a sick kid or a family member in the hospital. Irritable bowel syndrome definitely entitles you to frequent bathroom breaks. If your dog stole your car and ran over your grandmother, you’ve got a right to be in a funk. These are all times when you’re justified to be a bit off your game, but the difference here is that you keep your GM informed so they know why you’re doing these things. If you don’t let them know before the game what’s going on, all they’re going to see is you ignoring the phone rule, constantly going to the bathroom, and grumbling at other players. A little communication beforehand makes everything afterward easier to roll with.
Tell me some of the things you’ve made sure to do with your groups that you feel earns their trust and goodwill. Or, let me know what behaviors you’ve witnessed that have made a positive impact on you.